Ayuda

This holiday break which will be followed by three days of classes and then its exam time, has been painstakingly short for me. I just don't have the angst, or the "ganas" to go back to school. My mom lost her job, and we are appealing the termination but its really hard on us not knowing what the verdict will be, and thus we can ponder all the possibilities: good and devastatingly bad. Their decision has the power to break apart a family prematurely, forcing her to have to leave me before I am even done with college. Our plan was I graduate from college, and find somewhere stable to live, and a job and then she would move to go live with her husband. But now, if she can not get her job back (and in this economy) then she won't be able to afford rent, car payments, cell phone bills, nothing, and she will have to leave by the end of winter...

Or, she can get her job back and we can be back on track, pay off her car, and then leave. This one difference, being unemployed, has had a major toll on my mental well being - I feel so depressed and helpless, but just having hope is what keeps me from wanting to curl up into a ball and watch the world pass me by. Plus I have hopes in another realization of mine, that I will have to work hard to gain... I need to send in my OB application too. I will do that, now that I have sent off the recommendation forms to my references... Just need to finish the write up now. Exams, exams, exams, I just am not feeling them right now, now is such a bad time. I just want to get a job and pay all my bills for my mom, she has done so much for ME, its the least I could do. But she would never allow that, for her my finishing college is most important. Plus, I'd really like to get it over and done with.

The day before, and this evening, I helped my mom edit her appeals paperwork, trying to convey as clearly as possible the situation that occurred, and the injustice she felt due to it. I ask God that our prayers are heard, I beg him.

Goodnight.