On this reoccuring topic...

There is nothing that relieves me more then when (in personal and life affecting matters) I can be sure that I am hearing the plain old unadulterated truth from those that I care enough to care about. Similarly, there is nothing that bothers me more then when someone lies to me. I just wish everyone that I explain it to would believe me that I would rather hear the nitty gritty truth then to be lied to and find out later.

Now, let's clarify some things: I respect the whole, don't ask don't tell policy. If I don't ask about something, and it has nothing to do with me, then I don't expect to hear about anything that doesn't involve me when it comes to personal matters... buuuuut, when I ask about something then I would expect to hear what really happened. That I think is a plain and simple matter. I hope it is not too hard to understand. I feel like few people believe me when I say that I get over things rather quickly and I avoid holding grudges - I avoid this by letting people know how I feel, when I feel it. I used to be abash, and shy, and never let someone know when I was bothered by something and etcetera, but I have learned that it is important for my mental health to relieve these daily stresses, or else I will explode - no, a better word would be to implode. So to my friends who I care about a lot - whether you or I like it or not, sometimes you come by things that you don't mean to come by, or you figure out things from little slips of the tongue - that is bound to happen - but when this is in the context of a fabrication, and when I personally recongnize this as deceit it hurts me greatly. The daily toils of life doesn't hurt me as much as when people try to do what they think is best for you. This whole topic is controversial, but for me whenever a friend hides something or feels like they shouldn't be honest with me, they lose an ounce of my respect towards them. I currently feel like I would be better off without friends because of all they stress they cause me. But then they cause me great joy as well. It is a fight to the finish that only the strong can achieve, and I am a passionate and determined person, but I will only put up 50% of that fight, the other half comes from the 2nd hand of the relationship. So to my friend(s), please trust me when I say to you that I don't care about the things that you do, trust me that I will be ok, and trust that I will always expect you to be honest with me, and not hide things - but when you do, expect that I will not revere you as highly as I once did, and that trust and respect will be hard to regain.

On a lighter note,

I have been going to bed by about 1 am lately, because I am ridding myself of the habit of being up late nights (3 am type deals...) It's making me feel good, and I can wake up at a good hour without an alarm. Spring break (WOOO) is only a week away, and I can't wait to go on my adventure. Although now with it approaching, I really wish I could go into the forest alone, and be there with just my thoughts and the wind. I love my friend Trevor a bunch, and I am glad that we are going together, but a part of me wishes that I could partake on this journey alone. Maybe for a first time camping outside of a group, this is a good step forward. I've done some backpacking but its always been with at least four people. Spring break I hope with be loads of fun.

Also, I finished my book today!!! One of the books for ENST I just finished: YAY only 3 more to go! WOOT WOOT