A mood settles within

I am in a mood. A feeling of ineptitude wraps my heart. I tell myself I can do what ever I want. Maybe it is true, but my concious (reading the language of my body) tells me that I am wrong. I can feed to myself idyllic thoughts of conquering whatever may lie in my path (goals, dreams, ambitions) but the reality is that I may not be able to do all even though I seek to. A dire fight between what can be and what is, is continuoally ravaging my mind...

Never ending. It has always been eversince I realised what was going on.

I tell myself "Ah, what a short life I have lived, and what a short life this will be. I am young for only so much time, I might as well do it all now, while I still can."

I know in my head that you are as young as you feel, but in the world I live in, there are a thousand others who would vigorously contend me, pulling me away from my beliefs and casting theirs upon my brow. What am I to do? I can't go on ignoring their calls for ever. I can't continue to politely smile and nod, then go about my own deeds for all my life. Should I stand up and proclaim my thoughts, or idly stand by and let them do as they wish? Most people will succomb, and they will flow down the river of society. But I, no, I am the rock in the river - unmoving yet being slowly and surely eroded by the river of society... I will soon be nothing... but while I still am I can still believe.

I can still hope.

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Spasms of the Rambling mind

Ramblings is a very popular word nowadays. " Ramble Ramble Ramble Rambobble, Rambizzle, Ramalicious, Rammy Rammy Roooooo..."

"Phew, my head hurts."

Being back home is depressing.

School this semester was the worst. Seems like most everyone I knew had a bad semester, except for those damned comm majors and their "easy" classes, or so I have heard. If Trevor is any testament to the rigorousness of the Comm classes, then some are hard and others leave time for him to be real bored all semester. With that said, My semesters have left me far from bored. They have left me swamped in endless chapters of reading that is "recommended". Hundreds and I mean HUNDREDS of unsolved Chemistry problems. Not so much essay writing, which makes me happy, but plenty of math, and math once again is not my forte.

Life at home is painstakingly uneventful. Almost to the point where it makes me want to pull out all of my hair. There is a dog that doesn't like me, and two birds that just wont stop squacking. I am two animals short of a farm, and there is no entertainment here. I keep waking up so late in the afternoon for no good reason, and it bothers me because I want to have a full day to look forward to, but there is nothing to look forward to during the course of the day. Probably just dinner at home with my mom. If we woke up early enough together, I bet we could have breakfast too.

I want to go on a wilderness adventure. Sunday I saw "Into The Wild" and it made me feel nostalgic, I want to sink myself back into my element once again. Maybe even go snowboarding, now that would be awesome. I don't see it happening this winter though, I don't think I will encounter anyone that would like to go with me, or have me tag along. Thus I am pretty much just at home all break. I think Daron may have it worse then me though because she is stuck at home, then when she returns she is stuck at Duke. Eww.

I downloaded an application to be an instructor for NCOBS but they unfortunately only hire persons 21 or older. That though gives me time to get the appropriate training (WFR, and Rock Climbing Instructor) and certifications to give me the edge on the application. I need a job, and I would love for it to be doing what I love to do - nature.

I am Majoring for sure in Environmental Studies. My good friend Liza majored in it as well, and she has had lots of internship and traveling opportunities which makes me oh so very excited!!!
I saw her one last time before she graduated at her end of semester graduation party. She graduated this past Sunday, I wish I could have gone to her ceremony, but I had no where to stay (with all my luggage) in Chapel Hill and no definite ride back home. I wish her the best of luck.

Into the Wild. I enjoyed that movie so much, and even though the ending is not what most people would want to happen, it was a true story of this young man who believed entirely in his stand about the world and for that he has my respect. Most would have said that he went of recklessly into the wild, I know for sure that is my mother's opinion, but to be honest I have felt that way time and time again. It is no stranger to my mind, the idea of leaving most all my material possessions behind and living how people used to live thousands of years ago. If it could be done then, why can it not be done now? It's not so impossible to hunt for the food you need, to build shelter with just the right amount of materials to get you by, and to live your life day by day resourcefully and wholly.

Other wise, I need to find the time and the motivation to start manipulating the freeware source code for the flash page I want to create for our Rugby team. Its going to be so awesome and fancy. I think they will love it. I really do. With that said, I need to start learning Flash and HTML again. It has been a while since I have dealt with it.

Next Sunday I look forward to going to the Body Worlds exhibit. They say you can not take pictures but I bet I will sneak a few in. Now that is something to look forward to.

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Ramblings of the influenced mind.

Things that I have said while I was under the influence one crazy night. Recorded by my good friend Margarita:

Because Trevor is like, “You’re a hobag,” and you’re like, “You’re a hobag to the third root.”

But don’t write about me or Davis, or about Juan or Daron, or about you or yourself.

[Ankit] looked like dogshit. He looked like cat litter out the ass, all cooked up and shit.

You have confidence, and she has beauty, and together you have confidence-beauty.

I’m like, “Fuck you, Margarita. You could wear chocolate pudding, and you’re still hot.”….. I bet you’d be hot wearing glow-in-the-dark jelly.

Because it’s all disconnected and it’s all connected, and nothing’s real.

She’s writing my quotes! You know what, you’re gonna have to pay me royalties.

If the sun is not blue and Trevor is not gay, then you are a douchebag.

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Something I have realized

There is nothing short about my blog.

I have made 60 posts in the past year... It is definitely not a lot but enough to keep it interesting. I have made enough posts to have an average greater then one post per week and one post every day for two months. I think that is a pretty healthy number of posts.

It is that time of the year again -- Finals. Ugh, it is the worst time of the year. It have to prove my self academically now. I wish that the teaching methods used in class were more personal. That every student got a chance to meet the professor and work with the TA's. That way grades wouldn't be based on what most of the people in class get, but the growth academically that you have made in the class. That sort of effort can be evaluated and weighed in to he students grade. Otherwise, just being lectured at and going off of every persons individual initiative will make curving necessary always.

I am ready to get these tests over with and to go home and learn CSS. To work on the women's rugby new website, and to relax and look at the semester ahead of me.

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